The Winds of Change
by Jeffrey Patrick
Summary: *Complete* You'll just have to read it...


Title: The Winds of Change  
  
Author: Jeffrey Patrick  
  
Disclaimer: I own nothing but some ketchup and a box of wheat thins. Joss Whedon and Mutant Enemy own all things Buffy related. It is their carbonated beverage. I just give it a good shaking before it's opened.  
  
  
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"Did you see her?" Willow asked, taking Xander's hand as she wiped a tear from her eye. "She's beautiful."  
  
"She's always beautiful," he said nervously. He looked at her and smiled gently. "And you... you always cry at these things."  
  
"You do too," she said as she straightened his tie. "I haven't seen Angel yet. What if he doesn't show?"  
  
"He'll show," Xander said flatly. "He's probably somewhere trying to get his hair just so."  
  
Willow smiled at that, taking his hand. "Want me to go with you?"  
  
"No, it's okay," he said. "I wanted to check in with Dawn before I see Buffy. I need a refresher on what my duties are."  
  
Willow nodded. "I saw her behind the church with Spike."  
  
"It just had to be overcast, didn't it?" Xander sighed. "I was hoping for bright sunshine. He shouldn't be here."  
  
"He wanted to see her, but he hasn't come in," Willow said, reaching into a small basket on the table and fastening Xander's boutonnière to his lapel. "Today isn't the day for a fight, Xander. This is Buffy's day."  
  
He swallowed the knot of hatred in his throat and nodded. "You're right," he said. "It's Buffy's day, and I won't let Spike frustrate me."  
  
"Are you trying to convince me or you?" Willow asked with a half smile.  
  
"Both," he admitted. "I'll check with Dawn and meet you in the sanctuary."  
  
She nodded and hugged him tenderly, then watched him exit through the front entrance of the church. "Is he okay?" A familiar voice asked. She turned and shook her head. "He wishes it was him up there today," she said. "He's dealing. It'll help him to see her."  
  
"She looks beautiful," Oz said. "Giles just came in the side entrance. He's with her now."  
  
"Xander went to see Dawn," he said. "Would you mind checking with the minister to make sure he's ready? Maybe even distract him a minute or two? Nearly everyone is here, but Angel hasn't arrived and they should be here any minute."  
  
"I'm sure they will," he said, turning to go. "And Will?"  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"Maybe you should talk to Xander afterwards."  
  
She nodded. "I will. Thanks."  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Xander was amazed at how many cars filled the parking lot of the church. He hadn't known Buffy knew so many people. Spike saw him coming before Dawn did. His posture signaled a switch to the defensive despite the fact that nothing had yet been said. Xander slowly approached the small gazebo that housed them. Today was not a day to be rushing.  
  
"Spike," Xander said, lying through his teeth for Dawn's sake, "good of you to show."  
  
The vampire looked taken aback by the statement. His eyes searched Xander's as though he were looking for something important. Then he nodded as though he saw something that didn't need to be spoken aloud. "I had to be here."  
  
"I know," Xander said absent-mindedly. He noticed that Spike was hiding flowers behind his back. "For her?"  
  
Spike simply nodded, looking at Dawn and giving her small grin.  
  
A sudden silence crept upon them before they knew what happened. Xander dug the toe of his shoe into the dirt, kicking at the ground. Dawn sighed, her hair tossed over her shoulder by the growing wind.  
  
"Tell her I stopped by, nibblet," Spike said, unable to stand the odd silence a moment more. His heart was breaking, but he didn't need to hear every crack to confirm it. "Give her these."  
  
"Wait, Spike," Xander said just above a whisper. "Go through the side door. She'll be in the second room to your right. Say what you have to say then get out. It's almost time for it to start."  
  
Spike stepped up to him, again searching his eyes. "You still love her too, don't you?"  
  
Xander looked away. "I never stopped."  
  
Spike just nodded. He turned toward the church, stopping only to slip one of the flowers free from the bouquet and hand it to Dawn. Xander sat next to her in the gazebo and watched as she cautiously sniffed the flower.  
  
"I told Will I was gonna come see you for an update on my responsibilities today. I lied," he admitted. "I just... with so many things happening, I wanted to see you."  
  
She nodded. "Life just doesn't stop," she said. "One roller coaster after another."  
  
He grinned at her. "She'll always be your sister. Today... it doesn't change that."  
  
"I know. But you still love her," she said. "Will that change?"  
  
"I've always loved Buffy," he said. "And I always WILL love her. I never got my shot with her, but I have to move on... just like Spike does. You can't spend your life pining for someone who is beyond your reach."  
  
"But it still hurts?"  
  
He nodded. "It's not like I never imagined this day would come. I did. I imagined it as many times as I imagined myself walking down the aisle of this place with her." He paused. "I'll be fine. I can handle this. So can you. We're all family, Dawn. Today doesn't weaken that. In fact, it probably makes us stronger." He kissed her forehead. "We'd better go in."  
  
"Yeah. We'd better. I have to pee."  
  
  
  
  
  
As they walked through the front door of the church, Dawn made a beeline for the restroom. Xander found Willow standing near the door to the sanctuary.  
  
"Is it time?" he asked, checking his watch and noticing he had forgotten to wear it.  
  
"We have a few minutes," she said. "Giles and Oz are speaking with the minister... buying a few minutes more for Angel and Cordy to arrive."  
  
He nodded and shuffled his feet.  
  
"Go talk to her," Willow said. "Everyone else has. You don't have to open up. Just... talk to her."  
  
"Okay," he said. "Dawn's in the restroom. She'll be out in a bit. Never did get that crash course in my job in this thing."  
  
"The minister will tell you what to do," Willow said.  
  
He only half heard her as he turned toward the hallway which led deeper into the church. He stopped at the correct door, considered knocking, but chose not to. He simply stepped in mouth first as always.  
  
"It's almost time, Buffy. They're gonna come get you soon. The Reverend is being distracted by Giles and Oz... so Angel... so he has more time to get here." He stared at her, her blond hair just covering the shoulders of the dress Dawn had picked out. "You look beautiful," he said, fighting the lump that was rising in his throat. "You always have. I... I fell in love with you that very first day we met... and... you've never ceased being beautiful in my eyes... even when you and Spike were..."  
  
He waited for her chastisement. When it didn't come, he continued. "There are a million things I wish I had the guts to say. A million things I regret never having said to you back then. But..." He allowed the tears to come. He was too weary to continue fighting them. "I... I've never known anyone quite like you. You made me a part of something bigger than me. But... most importantly... you made me part of your world. And that... there aren't enough 'thank yous' to cover that."  
  
He ran his fingertips down the side of her face and bent to gently kiss her cool cheek. "I love you." He turned to go but stopped in the doorway and looked back at her casket just as the other ushers met him at the door. "And I miss you." 


End file.
